Last week I sat in the hallway at Berkeley Pines with my mother and a few other residents, waiting for her turn to eat lunch in the dining room. While we were waiting, she kept reading out loud the empty carton of the vanilla shake food supplement she had in her hand. Over and over.
I tried several times to engage her in something else, but she ignored me. Her attention kept going back to the carton and what was printed on it. I decided to honor that it was the most interesting thing in her world right then, and stopped trying to talk to her about anything slightly more meaningful, from my perspective.
After about 20 minutes of this, feeling useless and unconnected to her, I said, “I need to go home now and eat my own lunch.” She looked at me and said, plain as day*, “I’m sorry you are leaving.” “Well, I can stay a few more minutes,” I instantly replied, and was rewarded with the biggest and longest-lasting smile I’ve seen on her face since she first arrived in California. So I stayed, about 10 more minutes, while she continued to read and reread the vanilla shake carton.
I went home feeling good. It mattered to her that I was there.
*I find myself using her expressions, like "plain as day," now that she doesn't generate much speech on her own. I guess it's my way of saying, "I'm sorry you are leaving."
*I find myself using her expressions, like "plain as day," now that she doesn't generate much speech on her own. I guess it's my way of saying, "I'm sorry you are leaving."
So beautifully stated! You are such a wonderful writer of your observations. I do see Mary and others also engaged with one object or another in front of them. I wonder what they are thinking. I can see that they ARE thinking. Yes, my mom also likes me there even when we have nothing to say. Thank you for writing!
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