The Preciousness of Time

Knowing that time is running out makes life really sweet.  This knowledge is something that young people generally don’t have, and may be part of what makes older people the happiest age group (surprise—it’s true, it’s been researched*). 

When I was young, my life was a burden.  I was in so much psychic pain it was hard to be alive a lot of the time.  So I wasn’t cherishing my time here on earth, plus I had no idea that I would ever actually die, or that any of the people that mattered to me would die.  Furthermore, I was taught that what really mattered was eternal life in Heaven, not this worldly life here on earth.  So life stretched out as an infinite burden to suffer through, trying to figure out how to feel better somehow.  Since I’m so much happier now, I guess along the way I figured out a few things about that. 

Now the hourglass is more full on the bottom than the top.  I know that much.  But the truth is none of us knows how much sand remains in the top, so I try to notice and treasure each grain as it falls through and lands in the past.

My daughter is 15.  She’s doing such a great job of being a teenager.  Whenever she does something really classic, like dishes out something sarcastic in a disgusted tone, or rolls her eyes, or tells us she can’t wait to get out of the house and away from us, I laugh, and tell her how delightful she is—and then she laughs because she gets it.  It’s a snapshot, and I’m in it right now, and it’s precious.  Because she’s not going to be a teenager much longer.  (I only know this because my son was a teenager once, and now he’s not.)  It helps that she’s a really good and basically happy kid and these typical teenage behaviors are not ominous symptoms of something serious.  I think.

I do the same thing with my husband as much as I can, because now I know that husbands can die and leave you alone.  It happened to my best friend, and I listened to her deep regret that she had taken Daryl for granted while he was alive.  He was gone in three short weeks.  So I listened and decided to appreciate my husband as much as I can while he’s still here, to look for and thank him for all the ways he adds to my life by his presence in it.  We’ve been married for 24 years and our lives are pretty intertwined, so it’s been a bit of a practice to step back and even perceive some of what he gives me, beyond the most obvious things.  But I’ve done it, and our marriage has gotten sweeter since Judy’s husband, Daryl Schmidt, died 5 years ago today.

I do wish it didn’t take other people dying for me to wake up to being alive.  But I’m very grateful for what they are teaching me, as they go.

* From Sonja Lyubomirsky The How of Happiness  pp. 63-64  Our happiness peaks at age 65. A 22-year study of about 2,000 healthy veterans of World War II and the Korean War revealed that life satisfaction increased over the course of these men's lives, peaked at age 65, and didn't start significantly declining until age 75.